Relationships are often hard to maintain, even when two people profess undying love for each other. A major problem in a relationship is that one or both partners continue to make the same errors but then cannot understand why the relationship is in trouble. It is almost as though they are determined to do things their way, even at the risk of damaging a good thing.
In my clinical practice, I have discovered at least 22 errors in thinking and communicating that people make, which if repeated, have the potential of destroying a relationship. Which of the following errors are you making?
1. Rigidly maintain that you are always right, even when you do not have all the facts!
2. Never apologize, even when you are proven wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt!
3. Be relentless in rubbing it in when you are proven right!
4. Dogmatically maintain that you know your partner's motives better than he or she does!
5. Assume that your partner should understand your needs and should respond immediately without being asked!
6. Totally ignore your partner's priorities and insist on your own!
7. Operate on the assumption that your partner's sexual need cycle is identical to yours!
8. Add deep psychological meaning to your partner's sexual disinterest, and take it very personally!
9. Do not ever admit hurt, but go immediately to the expression of anger!
10. Identify your partner's character flaws and family secrets and use them to make a point when logic fails!
11. Use guilt to manipulate, to get your own way or to punish!
12. Become proficient at catching your partner being bad, but do not ever comment if you catch him or her being good!
13. Cut no slack, yield no ground and push your argument until your partner walks out the door... then follow the coward!
14. Do not let go of the past, rehashing your version of it as often as possible!
15. Cling very very tightly, claiming that you will surly die if you are ignored!
16. If you are not a clinger, then stay emotionally/physically distant, and show no signs that you really care for your partner!
17. Make promises, but never keep them!
18. Be factious so you partner never knows when you are being serious!
19. Always make excuses for your bad habits!
20. Insist that what you have to say is always more important that what your partner is saying, so interrupt!
21. Pretend that you understand what you partner has said, even if you have no idea of the point that was being made!
22. Act as though you do none of the above and it is your partner who must make all the changes!
http://www.enotalone.com/article/2350.html
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
It is your fault...Mister...
If you feel as if someone can't understand you, you should stop asking them to try.
No circumstance has the power to create, change, manipulate or control your emotions. No other human being has the power to create, change, manipulate or control your emotions. I can not control what you’re feeling right now...and neither can anyone you know either, no matter in what form they are communicating with you. .(It's your fault that you feel bad Posted by The Probabilist)
No circumstance has the power to create, change, manipulate or control your emotions. No other human being has the power to create, change, manipulate or control your emotions. I can not control what you’re feeling right now...and neither can anyone you know either, no matter in what form they are communicating with you. .(It's your fault that you feel bad Posted by The Probabilist)
Expecting too much
I think a large part of the frustration that most of us experience in life is due to unrealistic expectations. We often expect too much of life in general, and of other people in particular.
For instance, we may encounter someone who is rude, and we get upset, thinking, How can he treat me that way? Doesn't he know any better? What's wrong with him? I would never treat someone like that!
If you think about it, these questions are mostly pointless.
How can he treat me that way? It's probably the way he treats most people. It's not personal. It's just his way.
Doesn't he know any better? Probably not. There are a lot of people who have never learned the ABCs of appropriate social interaction.
What's wrong with him? Nothing, except he has a blind spot when it comes to dealing with people. We all have blind spots. It's just easier to identify them in others than in ourselves.
I would never treat someone like that! The truth is, all of us behave badly now and then. We excuse it or rationalize or overlook it. Well, so does the person we're complaining about.
By expecting too much, we just drive ourselves crazy. We keep saying that other people "should" be a certain way. They should be more considerate, more competent, more open-minded, more helpful, more sensible, etc. Should, should, should. But people don't behave the way they "should." They behave the way they are. The sooner we accept this and learn to live with it, the less stressed out we'll be.
http://michaelprescott.typepad.com/michael_prescotts_blog/2007/02/expecting_too_m.html
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
